Patriarchy Matriarchy and Beyond

Patriarchy….patriarchal society is not an uncommon term in today's world and frankly is becoming rather has become a dinner table conversation topic.

To me, Patriarchy represents the domination of females by males. The man in a patriarchal setup is considered central and the woman peripheral. The identity of a woman revolved around her father, brother, and husband.

Let us see how Patriarchy originated

It is believed to have originated in the earliest times as a result of the biological constraints that did not allow women to hunt as they were involved with the maternal activities of procreation, childbirth, and nurturing.

Thus it was defined more based on Gender roles.

Let me explain the difference between Sex and Gender here, Sex is between one's legs or how their chromosomes are paired. Sexually one can be male or female or a third category called intersex. However, Gender is determined by one's presentation, role, and personal identity. It can be expressed through adherence or non-adherence to gender roles.

Factors seem to influence how strongly patriarchal human society is in competition for and control of reproduction.

Reproduction is inherently competitive for males. While any person with a womb (female) can reproduce, males must have (willing or unwilling) participation.

As a group, men become expendable when there is tighter competition for reproduction. If your society has X number of females and Y number of males, a loss of males has less impact on the social group's capacity for reproduction than a loss of females.

Therefore, if there are fewer females within a society, their "value" increases.

Having said that, let me tell here why Patriarchy is not only about men. 

The underlying principle of patriarchy is an urge to control. Technically it does exist in a large part of the world not just in Indian society but surely with education, exposure, upbringing gender-neutral changes that are taking place across, it is becoming a feudal concept in fewer places but will take time to gradually extinct.

How do women can bring change?

As I mentioned above, changes are taking place and men are becoming more and more acceptable. But still, a bigger change is the need of the hour, and patriarchy is deep-rooted.

As part of growing up, there are certain values taught and ingrained in by elders. And once a female grows up it gets difficult to forget and accept change. Simply we are victims of patriarchal learning. Thus women need to forget their learnings and start rejecting a lot of norms.

Let me illustrate some funny but true examples for you that look simple but reflect a deep-rooted patriarchal mindset

Not being allowed to leave home for college or school alone

Being told that girls who wear certain clothes are immoral

Adults regulating decision-making for young girls

Not being allowed to go to sleepovers because you're a girl

Walking to the local market gets stressful due to eve-teasing

Women must find the best man available in society for marriage so they are valued basis your ability to marry a man.

The list will go on and on.

So back to the point of what norms, and learnings women need to forget and start rejecting. We the women are worst affected by these learnings. Women are empowered but still have a long way to go and be free from the clutches of patriarchy.

What women need to forget and reject:

Reject beliefs and histories. Understand we are not just birthers

Don't be tolerant – there is no pride in being tolerant of injustice, insults, violence

Speak up women – break the silence when the need arises. Mostly happens in cases of sexual assaults especially when take place within one's household by one's relatives. Women need to raise their voices and not be ashamed, the culprit should be ashamed

Most prevalent – Compromise, why one should? Women are always expected to compromise despite the fact they step out of their comfort zone to live a "happily married life." It's necessary to stop compromising their well-being.

Sacrifice - this patriarchal value women have accepted as part and parcel of their lives. Ambitious women are told to sacrifice their dreams to become "good wives". Mothers are asked to give up their careers because according to our society, working women can't make good mothers. Forgetting sacrifice will prove that ambitious women are not "incompetent mothers".

Acceptance - while this term does have a few positive effects, it is equally toxic. It doesn't mean coming to terms with anything and everything. It's imposed on you for the convenience of the dominant class.

For the longest time, we have seen that women endure all that they don't deserve.

Marriage often becomes an endless tale of compromise and sacrifice for most women and few men.

Things are getting better over time….look around you. Matriarchs are in action everywhere within family-run businesses – and in all shapes and sizes, whether form-fitted or free-flowing. Whether they are extensions of/and inseparable from their motherhood roles – or equipped with entrepreneurial skills/identities outside the family.

Let us aim for an egalitarian society where men and women could be considered equal.

My dear beauties out there, know your worth and never settle for anything less than you deserve.

 

NSK

Image courtesy freepik.com